YES, I do hate you.

Yes, I hate you. I hate all people who get things and then rub it in other people's faces.  Yeah, I'm guilty of it. I've done it. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm fucking sick of it.

I'm poor. Dirt poor. My family spends all our money on house payments, car repairs, heat and groceries. I haven't gone school clothes shopping in four years. Hell, I haven't bought more than three items of new clothing at once in four years! I haven't been to Sixx Flags, or California, or stayed in a hotel. I haven't gone to Martha's Vineyard or Cape Cod. I can't get Aeropostale or American Eagle or Hollister clothes. I can't go to concerts and plays and dances and games and birthday parties.  Why? Because I have no money. I can't AFFORD to go to the mall with you for a day because I won't be able to buy lunch, or a movie ticket, or anything more expensive than a Twix bar! I have NO MONEY. I can't take Driver's Ed, and I won't get a car for my sixteenth birthday, and I can't join the local sports team because I can't pay for the uniform! I won't be able to wear a new dress to my senior prom. I haven't had an actual birthday party since I was eight. All of this costs money, which I do not have. I wear clothes from thrift shops, hand me downs from my cousins and my brother. All my summer shorts? Made from jeans I had to cut because they didn't fit anymore, and then I have to spend the sumer praying for my grandma to buy me some new ones or I'll have to wear a skirt the rest of the year. I use generic shampoo and generic toilet paper and I drink generic soda and I eat store-brand cereal and cookies. I haven't had a brand new pair of shoes in four years. Last time I had a manicure I was nine.

I can't go to the concerts and plays and malls. And do you know how embarrassing it is to admit that? To tell my friends every time they have an idea of something to do "Guys, I can't. No money, remember?" To wear the same clothes, that are steadily getting shabbier, year after year?  To say, when everyone's talking about what they did over vacation, that I just stayed home, maybe slept over at Bri's a time or two? It's humiliating. And I hate it. Especially when everyone's talking about how Blahblah went to Florida and Shalala went to California and Deedeedee went to Switzerland.

I hate it.
~~tee